In an effort to lose the weight I gained during my 6-month internship with the refrigerator and bar, I've been Eating Right & Exercising, by which I mean waking up every morning expecting to look like Heidi Klum. Here, at my new place of employment, we have an on-site fitness center (which in my imagination was vast and gleaming) with an elliptical machine so haaaaaaard (you have to balance on the pedals) that the only reason I can come up with why a designer here is quitting to join the Army is because he figures that when it comes to getting fit and preserving morale, it will be easier than the elliptical machine. Anyway, the morning after I rode this beast, I got on the scale, looked down, and thought "(miffed sound!) I'm not doing this for my health!"
The Dove You-Tube people are going to come after me, use me in one of their videos, and then slay me. And it will be just.
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