observation

People on TV are always asking each other, eyes blazing, "And why would I do that?" (presumably because it's shorter than "What do you know that I don't know you know and will compel me to action?") There should be a word for these sorts of phrases that are only ever used to speed exposition. In the meantime, I'm going to start saying it - starting tomorrow, at work.

Highlights (part 2)

Whoever it was who first said that it's the journey and not the destination that counts was not talking about these.

Which New Yorker cartoon caption contest-based contest would you rather see?

1. A contest in which you take the current New Yorker contest image, doctor it, and submit it along with your caption.

2. A contest in which you submit a (presumably absurd) drawing to accompany the (presumably commonplace) sentence/question/exclamation.

Um....

Someone at work was saying that the long, drawn out "OM" sound that's used in meditation is the sound that the universe makes, or the frequency of the sound that the universe makes, or something like that. But it seems that can't be right: the sound starts with the "O" and finishes with the "M," so is it the "M" that is the sound of the universe? And if so, how important is the "O?" It was then suggested that the "M" sound was very specific and could only exist having been preceded by the "O." I have my doubts. Couldn't the sound of the universe be "UM?" Are we really that sure about the opening vowel? I'm not blind to the fact that trying to compartmentalize the sounds in OM is extremely unOM, like as unOM as you can get.

The first time I saw a medallion with the OM symbol on it I thought it was a pendant given for 30 years of service, so that's how in tune with the universe I am.

I am an aunt for real and not just like to a dog!

Alana arrived, as my dad put it, at 11:05 last night. 6lbs, 5 oz.

I used to wonder why people were so interested in communicating the weight of newborns. But what else can you say about them?

So there it is: Alana. I suppose it's good that I wasn't consulted, as I myself would be uncomfortable with a name that seems to want so much to be a palindrome. Alananala will be good when she runs off and joins an ashram. And I dislike both the New England and the Pittsburgh pronunciations of "aunt." I don't suppose my sister will let her call me "Zia Sally," if my name were Sally, but "zia" is Italian for aunt, and I think its exoticism will make her, Alana, more inclined to visit me.

anyway

Things aren't tough in the least. There's no animosity. We're in complete agreement. There's a little bittersweetness, sure; but I walked into town on Saturday with a spring in my step. I thought, "I have peace of mind." And then I started wondering why I had peace of mind. Was it because I honestly wanted to settle down, just not with P? Or was it the ol' fear of commitment mutating into new forms to avoid detection and annihilation? Because I'm honestly terribly good at being single. I've spent the last ten years by myself (not counting 3 relationships each of which lasted a year and a half), because I wanted to master being alone (for its own sake. but it is also true that mastery of being alone makes you a more desirable companion). At any rate, while I anticipate a return to the Wild West of dating, at the moment I'm more interested in getting a dog.

prediction

Ten years ago in April, I moved out of the apartment I was living in with my (very longtime)then-boyfriend because I felt I was too young to settle down.

Now, we're both moving out because I do want to settle down, and we have different ideas about what that means.

Next time this happens, it will be because I want to settle down, and the man in question and I will share ideas about what it means, but he will think that I had been saying "I want a metal crown."

sad news

Today, P. and I established that we will not live together again when our lease is up in September. Things are sang-froid, amicable, and even loving. Wish me strength in the tough times ahead.

what it's like being me

Earlier today I had an idea and thought yeah, I'm really going to do that and stick with it, and now I can't remember what it was.

a plug for parentheses

Today in an email message, someone wrote "the guy next to me's cell phone..." I think this is completely clear - unless you thought that "me's cell phone" meant "my cell phone," I suppose. This is another reason why we need to expand the use of parentheses.* Email and IM-ing and texting and all is conflating our written and spoken languages, but I wish I knew how to systematically study the question of under which conditions (emailing, talking, writing in a more formal setting) which constructions show up. A more liberal use of parentheses would save people the trouble of taking more care in composing their sentences, which may not happen anyway, which will lead to unclear communications and confusion. I should look up the etymology of "confusion."

*Oh, God, I'm going to be one of those nut jobs that get written up in language books for trying to promulgate weird shit.

#$&@)(*@&Q(# @@@!

I despise the fact that @ does not mean "about." It should for so many reasons.

1. "About" is a fuller, rounder word that "at," visually and conceptually. It goes better with the curvilinear @.

2. (well, they each have ZERO HITS on Googlefight.)

3. I always think it does.


"At" doesn't need such an exciting symbol. There are plenty of things that make more sense. What about a little arrow pointing to the right? I contend that no other keyboard symbol represents "about" as well as @.

the Leafy Sea Dragon (for Amanda and Shannon)

If you ask me, there's some kind of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds thing happening here.

LIRIMA

Today I was writing a caption for a photo of a herd of oryx, and I started to write something like "these majestic creatures," and then I wondered if they could be called majestic. What are the necessary and sufficient conditions for majesty? One coworker said she thought a dog could be majestic, like an old, wise Golden Retriever, which is just false. Other coworkers looked at me as though I were a TV show they didn't recognize. But I was not to be dissuaded, and I now present to you the Lore & Ipsum Rubric for Identifying Majesty in Animals (LIRIMA).


Does it have horns? 2 pts.
Do it have horns that appear disproportionate to its body? 5 pts.
Is it in a herd? 5 pts.
Is it significantly larger than a prototypical member of their species? (boas, pythons)? 4 pts.
Does it look tired all the time? 2 pts.
Is it a solid color? 1 pt.
Does its name seem neither Latinate nor Anglo-Saxon? 1 pt.


Is it cliche-edly majestic? -6 pts.
Would someone in kindergarten know what sound it makes? -2 pts.


Your thoughts welcomed. This is clearly a timely and important topic, and I expect to see it on the Huffington Post and spread round the blogosphere shortly.

Dear Board,

Today I sat down and made a list of things that I want from a job.

Tier 1:

> to have it be in my field at a university so I can take classes for free

Tier 2:

> to be interested in its theoretical underpinnings

> to have it involve both halves of my brain

> (that is, involve problem-solving and creativity. But I'd settle for just creativity.)

> to be close to the decision-makers/decision-making process

> to be considered a professional

> to like the people

> a minimum of HR bullshit

> to get to work on different projects

> flexible work hours


etc. etc. Any thoughts?

new rule:

if you read my blog, you're on my board of directors. Unless you read it because you hate me.

help a joke out?

Apparently, because I scolded my brother for writing "heheh" instead of "heh heh" - and I'm not being ridiculous! Maybe if the middle h had a diacritical mark for the consonant version of this? - he felt I needed to hear the following joke (over g-chat).

Knock knock

(that's be kind of funny if I left it at that and waited for a commenter to write "who's there?")

Oblique case.

Oblique case who?

No, you illiterate - it's oblique case whom

So, I'm convinced that this joke could be funnier with a first response that necessarily calls for a "whom" - but I'm having a hard time coming up with one given that the rest of the sentence could be anything.

so, like: knock knock. who's there?

oh wait!

I've got it!

OK.

Knock knock.