Let's say you met someone two years ago when you were looking at renting his condo. Say you didn't take the condo, and that later he emailed you to see if you wanted to get together for coffee (your academic interests would hang out at parties, occassionally be each other's dinner guests, that sort of thing), but you didn't respond (possibly because you were intimidated by him).
And now, 2 years later, you saw that he was again advertising his condo, so you email to say hi and see if the situation with the condo was the same, and it turns out that it is, and you are again invited out for coffee, to "catch up."
The point is, if you go for coffee, and you're pretty sure you will, you must act as though it's not a date. And even as I type that, I don't know what "act as though it's not a date" means. I think I always act like I'm on a date, which is to say never act like I'm on a date. So there is no acting. I think it's that in the absence of information, it's impossible to conceptualize something as both not a date and not not a date. Is this a problem with genre or with romance? This has to be written up somewhere.
Is there such thing as a pre-date, or is a pre-date a date?
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Some wise woman in 8th grade told me to treat all men as if I wanted to sleep with them, whether I wanted to or not. That way they would certainly fall under my spell and I would be in control of the whole thing and it would be up to me how everything turns out. I say go with that advice. And don't think about it any more. It's never "not a date." There is Always potential for more.
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